Why can’t all just be accepting?
I am feeling… odd.
I suppose that that would sum it up. I am feeling odd.
I am not good at being close to people. I’m just good at being a floater, more or less. I’m not really attached to any group, no group really wants me, but i am friends with many people.
I am good for some things, bad for others. You ask me something.. i wont lie. I will tell it to you straight, the way i see it, no matter how much it might hurt. God never said that you could lie even if it kept someone happy. He never said that ever… but i wish that people would treat me the same way i treat them, because i always end up looking like a bad person.
Something that i am just barely coming to realize is that you cannot please everyone. Not everyone even really cares about you, in fact, people will be more likely to want to get to know you if you are hard to reach and kind of distant. that is what i have found anyway. You slow down the process of getting boring if you arn’t contantly being open about yourself. if everyone knows everything there is to know about you within a few hours of meeting you, they will think you’re boring. once you know a person well, you see them differently, more clearly. people usually don’t like what they see in me.
people think i’m odd, but does that change me? no. it just makes me more weary of knowing others opinions of me, since they are always openly telling me that i am a weird kid. but do weird kids really exist? i mean… we’re all weird in our own ways… and something that i have noticed is that, if someone doesn’t seem odd to you, that probably means that there oddness is going to shock you more, or maybe it could be a bad odd thing. people who are openly odd are always much more simple and less confusing. isn’t that better?
okay, well, now i am way off my origanal topic. why can’t people just be accepting? why must there always be so many human judges? who are they to think that they can be a proper judge of a persons character? of a persons worth?
if you accept and take all the bad about a person in stride… then… well, i am very proud of a person who can do that. i used to be more accepting, but the world is getting to me again and i just can’t seem to hold it all off alone. i need someone who will keep me in line.
i need to cry once in a while. i haven’t cried in a very long time.
crying for me is like filtering all of the bad and the hurt out. after crying for a little while, i feel better. i feel as if i can finally forgive myself for the bad that i have done so that i can look past it and forge one, to be a better more complete person. i need to have strength. now i must find a place where i can be who i need to be.
school is not a place to do that. not for me.
